When style comes as a surprise

Not us, but basically. Photo by Flickr user bowler1996p.

My unsuspecting parents. It was getting late, so they thought they would just head upstairs and get ready for bed.

Ah, my poor, unsuspecting units. Little did they know what lurked at the top of the stairs, poised and ready to press play at the slightest creak of the staircase.

My mom was about halfway to the landing when the boom box exploded, "You ready, Ron? I'm ready. You ready, Dave? I'm ready."

I heard her slippered feet freeze, not in shock, because my friends and I pulled stunts like this all the time. Her pause was one of resignation. Sigh. Bedtime was still at least one hour and two intermissions away. And she was too polite to ever reject one of my "performances."

Girl, I must warn you.

My Bell Biv Devoe cassette-single streamed poison-y awesomeness across the stage, er, stairs, as Renee popped out from behind the curtains, er, old Smurfs sheet. She was sporting (a verb I learned in my Barbizon modeling course) an oversized Mickey Mouse T-shirt, cinched (thanks, Barbizon) with a cherry-apple (a unique fruit hybrid) belt, to reveal shiny black Spandex shorts.

As with every one of my impromptu fashion shows, today's extravaganza featured a special appearance by Rudi The Wonder Dog, whose poodle tail sagged with embarrassment and annoyance, only matched by the audience's.

And how convenient: I had placed a fully charged video camera only inches from where my mom's feet stopped. She could capture this glory on tape and re-watch it with her eager daughter 10 to 35 more times in the upcoming week.

We all look stupid in skinny jeans

Striped socks, funky skirt from The Ritz - it's Fashion Under the Flatirons. ( Jonathan Castner)

I promise ye this: Some day, we will look back at jeggings and laugh. Big, wild, side-aching, tear-inducing guffaws.

That day is today.

Come on, World. Can't you see that jeggings (leggings with denim-print fabric, complete with painted-on pockets and fake zippers) are Pajama Jeans without the infomercial?

The pressure from the skinny-jeans trend has pushed otherwise fashionable women into dark, desperate places. Places with fake pockets and elastic waistbands. That's because skinny jeans are designed for 13-year-old emo boys, German technomeisters and Skeletor. Not women. And certainly not comfort.

I look stupid in skinny jeans. There. I said it. And you can admit it, too. The skin-tight legs force my calf flesh ever-upward until it inner tubes over the top of the waist. Skinny jeans make me look pointy toward the ankles, inaccurately thigh-heavy and they give me body-image issues I never knew I had before. That is because I have estrogen, and because this particular trend is not flattering for my shape.

And that is OK.

Part of fashion is honesty: recognizing and accepting what flatters and what flattens, what works and what is too much work. And sneaky Pajama Jeans trying to disguise themselves as designer denim is simply a lie.

Needless to say, my pointy feet were happy to see more wide-legged jeans and pants in the Fashion Under the Flatirons fashion show on March 10.

The second-annual show, organized by Downtown Boulder Inc., highlighted about 60 different outfits from downtown Boulder businesses.

"One of the things that is so great is it gives stores a chance to give a side of themselves that people might not know about," says Anna Salim, event manager. "For example, everyone knows The Ritz has costumes, but not everyone knows they have great boutiquey things that are really fashionable."

Or that Little Mountain Outfitters is one of the only stores in the state that specializes in outdoor clothing for kids -- despite the obvious perfect fit for a city like Boulder.

Terri Takata-Smith, director of marketing for Downtown Boulder, says the Pearl Street and surrounding area's 49-square blocks offer a wide range of prices, fashion tastes and hidden treasures

"It is a one-stop shop that isn't your typical mall," she says.

Here are a few spring and summer trends to look forward to, according to Kathy King with Barbara & Company, 1505 Pearl St., which featured several outfits in the show:

Tops: Look for doleman sleeves, which are full sleeves that are wide at the armhole but narrow at the wrist. Also look for drapey georgette-style tops with a slight '70s feel.

Accessories: "Multimedia" scarves, with multiple fabrics, patterns and accents, like beading and roping. Multi-strand, long necklaces with leather cords and ivory, turquoise and silver charms.

Colors: Bright corals, oranges and bright pinks, as well as every shade of blue. Even navy, but only with trendy clothes; otherwise, it looks too old.

Pants: Although skinny jeans are still in and will be strong for a while, wider-leg pants are on the horizon. Want to be ahead of the trends? Pick up some white linen pants with a softer leg. White is a great way to tone down the bright tops.