Thursday, July 14, 2011

Groupie distress

Photo by Flickr user tncountryfan.

Two weeks before the concert, we began wondering what to wear.

It's not that my sister Devon and I thought Kid Rock would care -- although having backstage passes did make it a possibility.

Possible was enough.

I've had a long-standing, (completely) one-sided love torrent with the so-trashy-he's-hot-singer.
And the fact that he sings country, hip-hop and rock -- three distinctly different fashion genres -- was further complicated by the location of the concert: the Greeley Independence Stampede.

Greeley plus the Fourth of July weekend equals a cruel combo. The "no gang clothing" signs plastering the fairgrounds took red and blue out of the equation. There should have also been "no white clothing" signs, what with the dusty arena and Colorado's new schizophrenic rain disorder. Patriotism would not be my fashion fall-back.

A week went by. I considered wearing a veil and wedding gown, but I decided it was too subtle. Plus, the dust.

Devon suggested wearing silver star pasties and a long trench coat. But once again: too subtle.

It was now crunch time, the night before the show. As I walked into the Flatiron Crossing Mall in Broomfield, a jinx-text popped up from Devon, announcing she was walking into the Loveland mall to hunt down her concert duds. Just inches inside Macy's, I spotted a sage-colored, above-the-knee, strapless tube dress with mini pleats -- and pockets. How could I resist a dress with pockets?

That's when a text popped in from Devon: "I just bought a pearl necklace longer than most dresses. It won't work for the concert, but I had to get it."

As always, I ended up in Guess, where I spotted a cream and white button-down tube dress with a ribbon belt. It was almost as ill suited as the polka-dot pumps Devon announced she had just purchased. But not quite as ridiculous as the floral ruffle dress she said she got to match. We agreed that small-floral print is one of our favorite summer 2009 trends, but that Kid Rock wouldn't be impressed.

Jealous-slash-inspired by Devon's finds, I found myself in Denver in the Forever 21 check-out line carrying a satin and chiffon ruffle dress in dark blue; a multi-strand braided bead necklace; and a black headband covered in feathers and fake flower petals.


I stopped. I had lost my focus. I'd bee-lined to the back right corner of the store, where I always find the laces and sparkles. My style staples. My rut.

While shaking my head, I texted my realization: "Devon. We are incapable of dressing casually."

And suddenly, I realized how uncomfortable it can be to push your fashion boundaries. For most Boulder women, it's just the other way around: They get stuck in the Bermuda Triangle of T-shirts and jeans. I was being smothered by satin and bows.

I looked around the store with a fresh perspective and realized the first 300 items of clothing I'd
charged past were plaid, checkered, jean or otherwise cowgirl-inspired. And cute. I grabbed an armload. I could do this.

I ended up wearing a short leopard-print dress.

Devon wore zebra-print. With a red flower brooch. And the 4-foot strand of pearls.

Kid Rock didn't care.

And it turned out leopard-print camouflaged the stinky rodeo mud surprisingly well.


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